Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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