just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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