brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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