just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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