speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sext me about skeletons
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
