New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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