I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
