ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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