theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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