Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
