The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
