I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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