I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
