I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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