he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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