If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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