why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
