Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
