I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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