There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
