Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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