So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
