You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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