our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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