I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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