i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dicks are not precious.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
