Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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