youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
