so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
