just come out here and I will go home with you...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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