I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
