Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
