Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize