You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
