scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
