Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
