gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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