I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
