Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
