i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
