I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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