oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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