i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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