God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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