You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have post one night stand depression
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
