How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize