I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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