I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
