I faked an abortion last night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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