i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
