I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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