i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
