I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
