this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
