I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
