I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
