i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
