just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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