yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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