The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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