Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
