i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
