normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
