I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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