Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
