So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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