somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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