Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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