Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
