I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he thought i was a dude.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize