My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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