i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
