The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
