I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize