Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
