out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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