I like to think it a success when the cops are called
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
