I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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