all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
