I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
