Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
