I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
