Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
