I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
