Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
