U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
