Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
