sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
