Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize