I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
