nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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