look no pants
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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