The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize