btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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