Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
