My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
