She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
